I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
