So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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