and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
