Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
