watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
