I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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