what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
