Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Houston, we have a squirter
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
