I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
