The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
