Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
