my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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