My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
