Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
