the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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