Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
