so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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