Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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