awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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