he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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