Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
