You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
