Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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