Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
