I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
