There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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