you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
