There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This beer is not sobering me up at all
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
