i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
