God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
