checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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