Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
