They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
