you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
