is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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