he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
