FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
