this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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