How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
