you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
