It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
