I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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