I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
