Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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