Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
