Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
