The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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