Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
