Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
