We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
