Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
