so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
