Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
smell my finger.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
