He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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