I just threw up on my dentist
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
