Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
