Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
