Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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