I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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